More Parental Experiences

Well, we had some more "parenting" experiences without having kids.  Sometimes, parents are willing to let us "help", just so we don't miss out on the experiences.  In this case, someone allowed their cub scout (and his sister) to come over for help.  It was pretty cool.  He listened to instructions, and followed through.

We taught him how to use a drill press and a file (for axles), a bandsaw (cutting out the primary shape), and a sander.  We talked about designs, weight, and friction.

He was awesome, and he did the actual work.  (I wanted it to be HIS car.)  He did pretty good on it, had first place in a race.  Later, we received a couple of thank you cards - and they are awesome!  Thanks, guys!

Encouraging Young Things to Grow

For as long as we've lived in our house, our back yard has always been a little "distraught". Over time, we've worked a little at a time, until we have started to have a decent back yard. We still have about half way to go, but we are getting there.

Our latest project has been adding some raised garden beds.  We had done the raised beds a few years ago, but we started adding another one.  It's now in place, with a drip irrigation in position, but no dirt yet.  We will be adding the dirt when we can, but while waiting, I wanted to "finish" the other raised beds with some pavers.  There were weeds growing in between, and it was just plain ugly.

First raised garden bed

Middle path

The result is not bad at all!  I'd suggest anyone can do pavers using the following :

1. Determine the square footage of area you want to cover.  Our little area is 9980 square inches, or about 70 square feet.
2. Procure the materials.  If you use your blue box or orange box stores (e.g. Lowes or Home Depot), in the garden center, they will have paver materials.  They'll usually have a chart showing how much you will need.
   • Gravel/"road base" - The rule of thumb is dependent on if you are doing this for a driveway, or a walkway/patio (e.g. weight it will hold).  The driveway will need about 4 inches of gravel base, while the patio/walkway only needs 1 inch.
   • Paver sand - You will need about 1"
   • Pavers
   • I suggest a weed mat to slow the growth of nefarious foliage.
3. Once ready to start, dig the soil to a level surface about the height of the pavers down plus 2-5 inches (depending on the amount of gravel you will use).  Discard the soil you remove.
4. Lay down the gravel base to the depth you need.
5. Drop the weed mat down.  If it's one of those multi-colored mats, the colored side usually goes up, but read the directions on it to make sure.
6. Place a 1" layer of paver sand down, and spread it even.
7. Install the pavers in the pattern you wish.  If you want it to be strong, use an interlaced or woven pattern.
8. Place a little paver sand on top, and sweep into the cracks.  This is intended to freeze the pavers into place.

The end result is much better than what was there :

Biblical Infertility

We HAVE to post an experience that made us laugh…not just snicker, but a BELLY LAUGH!!!

Our neighbors pulled Sugarmuffin and I aside (at two different times) to tell us something that happened in their home last week.  They have a young daughter who is very curious about life and its going ons.  Our friends are smart enough to realize that they should be having the "birds-and-the-bees" talk with their kids before school, friends or the Internet has that talk for them, potentially ruining a sacred thing.  She has asked some uncomfortable but sincere questions, and gladly ALL have survived! :)

Well...After their "talk" with their curious daughter and a few days later, she was reading her children's version of the scriptures about Hannah and her husband Elkanah (a priest).  Hannah could not bear children and was often found in the temple pouring out her heart to God, praying for a child.  Eli, the High Priest, saw her in great distress and thought she was drunk.  Hannah told him of her worries and heart hurt; Eli provides Hannah with comfort and stated, "Go in peace:  and the God of Israel grant they thy petition that thou hast asked of him."   1 Samuel 1:17.   Eventually Hannah did conceive and bore her son, Samuel, who is then placed in Eli's care and becomes the great prophet.

This lovely young lady proceeded to tell her parents that in the olden days, babies were made by prayers.  Our friends had to then discuss the fact that not all prayers are answered the way that the pray-ers would like them answered and how sometimes those prayers had to be used because not all people can "multiply" so easily.  The parents then tried to gently explain infertility and used us as an example.

The young lady's reply, "Well, have they tried 'The Sex'?"

HA!!!  HA!!!  Seriously, how does one respond to THAT?

Things We've Learned as Parents Without Children

We've learned a great deal about being parents.  A lot of people might assume that we don't know what we're really talking about, because we don't have kids.  The reality is that neither "side of the fence" truly knows - because each side hasn't been on the others' side.  It's tough to walk a mile in someone else's moccasins when your moccasins are permanently attached.

So, as we've discussed a few things today, we've decided to start posting a few things that we have learned that parents learn too readily, even though we don't have children of our own.  Here are some of our experiences.

• We had very dear friends begin dating each other (and eventually married).  During that process, my sweet wife kept saying, "he's not good enough for her", and "she's not good enough for him" (think about that for a second - both are dear friends - we just loved them so stinkin' much that it was hard to let them go).  During the process, I asked my sweetie if those were the feelings her mom had when her brothers were getting married.  She flatly denied it - so I asked her mom, and that's when it dawned on Sweet Stuff about that - we'd married off our "children" (loved ones) with the feelings of placing them on pedestals, wanting the best for those we love.
• Working with the youth, I've found myself in odd situations.  Having a neighbor ask me if I'd be willing to drive with her son to get him some driving experience (he was getting his license) was odd.  But, I've also learned how to teach a young man to drive.
• In this adoption effort we've had, Sugarmuffin and I have realized that adoption is not our choice.  Sure, we have chosen to try to adopt, but the reality is that the birth parents are the ones who ultimately make the decision on who to place their child(ren) with.  As much as we try, we cannot make that decision for them.  Whether we've had the spiritual confirmations to proceed doesn't matter.  We cannot alter someone elses agency, we can only pray for the best and move on.
• We have also been involved with some of the youth in our church assignments.  We've come to love these youth, and we have witnessed decisions that can be hurtful, yet we cannot make better decisions for them due to agency.  As a result, we have also experienced the hurt encountered when bad decisions are made, and we cannot do anything about it except continue to pray and love.
• Without kids of our own, we have an open-house for our nieces and nephews.  One evening, we had a niece and nephew over, and it was great.... until the wee hours of the morning.  Sugarmuffin was awakened by (what I would call) howling from the nephew.  She got up, helped him to the bathroom, and tried to help make him as comfortable as possible when he came back.  A few minutes later, as they were snuggling, he puked.  Yeah, we have dealt with kids throwing up all over themselves, the couch, carpet, and Sugarmuffin in the middle of the night.
• We have a neighbor who has had some financial troubles.  We also don't have children.  We found ourselves knowing about a situation where they needed a little help, and we could contribute anonymously by purchasing some school clothes.  We managed to find someone who could get us a list of sizes, and headed out.  It was a good experience to have, but probably not one of the greatest a parent has.
• Every year, we bring one of our nieces or nephews over to our house for a week of zoos, crafts, movies/plays, and games.  This past summer, we brought in a niece (she's awesome, but we'll call her "Evelyn" to protect her identity).  Prior to that, we went to a parade (Independence Day celebration), and Mr. Amazing kept asking her if she forgot her pants (trying to make sure she knew that shorts should be a little longer).  When we had her over, she told Sugarmuffin that she wanted Mr. Amazing to know that she had packed her clothes for the week and they were modest.  She was an angle to have with us!

That's a brief list as of now (yes, I've forgotten how many parent-like experiences we've had).  We will always be learning more, but our pace will be a lot slower, since we are missing a key catalyst: a child.  Hopefully, you parents out there can sit back for a bit and realize just how good you really have it.  As is said in Psalms, "Children are an heritage of the Lord".  It doesn't say that the children have to be yours.

Love my Geeky Woman!

Today, at dinner time, my wife and and I are discussing the days events.  She starts throwing around terms (in the proper context, mind you) like "BYOD", "guest wireless", "restricted", and "MAC address" in regard to teachers and iPads. My first question was.... where did that come from? It didn't come from me, because I don't recall ever going into a discussion about bringing your own device to work, and what wireless networks are allowed to connect to what services.

Love that geeky woman!

"Do You Know How Much I Love You?"

We spent yesterday trying to adapt our adoption profile.  We put in a lot of work.  We talked to birth mothers for their opinions on our "Dear Birth Mother" letter.  We took pictures.  We recorded videos. We did a lot of stuff yesterday about adoption.  It was a great day.

Then, today came.  Daylight savings (lost sleep), trying to explain the adoption process yet again, why we haven't been chosen, the "new things" being done for potential adoptive parents by the church, ad nauseam.  As the day progressed, the dear, sweet love of my life broke down.  It had become a day of "why should we keep going?", "is it worth it?", and "I can't keep doing this" statements, and then it was said.

"Why do we have to be the poster children of adoptive couples?"

I instantly asked, "wait, we're the poster children of adoptive couples?"  Tears began. The conversation continued (I won't quote from it here), and I knew the thoughts were going down the drain.  I couldn't let that happen.  I did the only thing I could think of.

I told a joke.

I told a story.

I have to amend that from a joke to a story because of the way things went down.  As I started, she immediately asked if I was trying to make her laugh, and then burst out laughing.  Yes, that WAS the intent, but she was supposed to wait for the punch line.  It took a while to get through the laughs to the punchline.  And when that punchline finally came.....

silence.

All she said to me was, "that was terrible."  I was in trouble.  So, I again went to my emergency back of things, and asked her :

"Do you know how much I love you?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"You tell me stupid stories."

I certainly hope the laughs at the start of the joke sufficed for the terribleness of what I said.  I certainly hope the laughs can carry her through a little bit more of the sad times of this journey.  I certainly hope she knows how much I truly love her.

The Roof WAS on Fire

Well, we replaced our roof.  Luckily, I changed jobs, and the vacation time I had accrued essentially covered the materials.  My family is awesome!  They came up (or down, depending on which family it was) to help out.  They did amazing work!  The old roof looked pretty old :

With all of that cracking, one would think it's really old.  Unfortunately, when we tore the shingles off, we found some surprising stuff :

Yes, underneath it, we found green tar paper nails, and ice and water shield!  That means the roof was less than 15 years old.  A single layer of shingles, 15 years old, curling like that... it means that there was too much heat in the attic.  We cut a few more holes for vents, removed the vent that was in place for the wood burning stove in the basement, and dropped some new OSB over the top.  Then we put a new roof on.  Hooray!

I'm a Lumberjack and That's Okay

Now you probably have the song stuck in your head.  That's okay, too.

As we've been rebuilding the fence in the back yard (we believe in a safe environment for children to play in, just in case potential birth parents happen onto this blog) after a windstorm laid it down, we've run into a few problems.  A big problem has been time.  We've had so many other projects going on that it has taken an awfully long time to get the fence rebuilt.  Let's add to that the old fence was falling over because four trees had grown up underneath it and pushed it over, and it's easy to see that things start to compound quickly.

Recently, I've been taking out the trees, trying to get a stabile foundation for the fence.  The previous fence was 4x4 posts just planted into the ground - no cement or other methods to anchor it.  They completely rotted out.  It's been a combination of using a small chain saw, and cutting ailanthus trees (trees of "paradise", or commonly called trees of Hell), and trying to ensure we don't get a bumper crop of trees.  While I was at it, we had a spruce that needed to vacate the premise, too.  Because of a set of power lines, I had to take that one in half (not as bad as the ailanthus tree) :

Let's add in that for these ailanthus trees, there are actually two sets of power lines run along the fence line, so taking the trees down has been more of a precision and surgical action.  It's been getting really old taking those things down... but the problem trees have finally, successfully been removed, and it's been an "on to the fence".

Finally, I got the posts in today... and the basic side boards to get things ready to be finished.  This is the part that goes quickly.  Wahoo!

Humbled By Humanity

I needed to post on this one, and I have before and during pictures for folks.  First, I was amazed when people came from everywhere with donations.  If you have ever seen the TV show "Hoarders", it felt like our house was the current location for the show...We barely had a path through the living room to the back patio.  We ate dinner downstairs for a week.  My sweetie had to park outside.  We had no back patio (couldn't find it under the donations).  I was absolutely floored with the generosity of family, friends, and even strangers.  Here are some photos of our "Hoarding" :

Our kitchen (or what we could still see)

The garage from the kitchen - or what we could see of it

Another view of the garage.  There's a car buried in there.

Looking into the living room

We had to work for this path to get it

Back patio (really?)

Clothing made it all the way out here

Another view of the living room

The few days before, we had some dear friends volunteer to sort things out, (some of the stuff just couldn't be put out there, such as used underwear, broken foo-foo thingies, and similar items).  Their help was invaluable, and once more triggered more humility in looking at people's willingness to do amazing things.  The day of, we were going at 5:30 setting up tables, moving stuff out, and trying to stay on top of things.  A great many people assisted throughout the day, from handling the bartering to organizing.

One yard of the "yard" sale

The other yard of the "yard" sale

almost done, still stuff to be sold

almost done, most furniture had been sold

Amazing results

amazed at how many VHS tapes sold

remaining toys and games went to a
local police/fire department to use
for children who needed them

remaining books went to good will

remaining clothing donated to the homeless shelter

finally, clean up in full gear

We had experiences where people would ask, "How much is that?", to which we would respond with "Just a dollar", and the sale happened with "Here's three."

We had people who pulled up in their SUV's, and said "My husband bought this camp hammock a few years ago, and used it once.  He's 73 years old.  We want you to have it."  Sure, I was floored by perfect strangers and their amazing acts of kindness!  But, to my utter surprise, having someone purchase that camping hammock moments later and walk away muttering under his breath, "I'm still not sure what this is," makes you take a long, hard look at how we perceive people.  Generosity, willingness to sacrifice, help out, and just be amazing is.... well.... amazing!

And, while we were in "full clean up" mode outside, a very dear friend claimed "allergies", and went inside.  We walked into the house to find cupboards and counters cleaned and wiped down, floors swept and vacuumed, and frankly, we had a house again.

To sum it all up, we were first humbled by the generosity of SO many people who donated.  Then, we were humbled by volunteers who helped to sort.  We were later humbled by people buying things they didn't need, didn't want, or didn't even know what those things were.  We were humbled by people walking up and handing checks to us.  Lastly, we were humbled by the long time people spent laboring all day, and then cleaning up.  My sweet wife and I were in tears (I pretend that we were simply exhausted [which we were] and that allergies were getting to me) for hours.  There is no denial that the Grace of God ran rampant in a little neighborhood this past weekend.

We are simply, and purely, humbled.  Thank you!

We're doing it!  I think I may have created a monster…I don't really know how to go about completing a successful yard/garage/rummage sale!  People have been SOOOOO generous.  Our living room, back porch and garage are full to the brim!
I'll let you know how it all turns out!
To those who have donated,  THANK YOU for support, love and generosity!!!!!

Dancing the Night Away

We'd talked about it for a year or so.  Shan joked about me not being able to dance, and I kept responding with "well, perhaps we should take a class."  Because of her schedule, I couldn't sign us up at all.  She finally did sign us up.  So, off we went to six weeks of learning to dance.

We started out with the waltz.  A couple of weeks on the waltz (I will always think of "Edelweiss" when waltzing as a result, and every time I hear that tune, I'm going to be thinking of that beautiful woman in my arms).  I pretend to have it mastered.  Shan dances so well she could fit in to a Disney princess movie.

Next up, they tried to teach the cha-cha.  I say tried, because that's what it was.  Please allow me paint a picture for you.  They teach you the "thirds" position, where one foot is slightly in front of the other, always on the ball of your foot (never the heel), and when you step, the foot that your weight is on is also the hip that is higher than the other.... wait... what?  Yup, that's what they taught me.  It flies in the face of all I've ever been taught about weight distribution, movement, and "flowing".  We tried for a few weeks.  We did the usual "scientific experimentation" to try and determine the best way to cha-cha.  We finally arrived at our conclusion - Shan is amazing at the cha-cha, but my hips just don't move that way.  We're going to go to a dance every once in a while to see if something finally clicks in my head, but in the mean time, I can't really cha-cha very well.

Next up - we learned the swing.  Luckily, I'd had some lessons on swing dancing before, but not the basics like they taught in this class.  It was a good thing to get the basic frame down for swing dancing, then the rest of it finally made sense.  It was like the heavens opened, inspiration flowed, and understanding prevailed, but without the heavens opening or inspiration flowing.  It was fabulous!  Once again, Shan rocked this one.

I love her smile!

Then, they taught us a fox trot.  With the length of the class, we really only had a single lesson on the fox trot.  The good thing is that after the other classes with the other styles, it actually came fairly naturally.  But, alas, Shan already had some fox trot lessons in the past, and it was really a learning experience for me.  That foxy lady trotted the floor like a pro!

Look Closely - She's giving me pointers!

Overall, here's what we learned... Shan has some serious skills, while I have some serious struggles.  But, given enough time and dancing, and my skill level will finally lift into the "doable" range.  We've already got it figured out to where we can go (and when) for some weekend nights out, and we will do so - that's a given.  I'd dance any night away with the love of my life!

Can Tears be Converted to Tears of Joy?

Yesterday, as I held my greatest treasure in my arms while tears flowed freely, feeling the gasping convulsions associated with the sobbing of a broken heart, and listening to the quiet whisperings of a woman so torn that life had reached a breaking point, I quietly wondered if those tears could be converted into tears of joy.

I didn't do so well at it.

The only thing that seemed to break into the thoughts were "when life is in the toilet, it just really seems crappy," which actually resulted in quite a few potty puns (and not just from me, though I may have been a purveyor of most) and one slight smile that cracked through.

When I stopped doing one task and said "there's just one more thing I need to do real quick" (I STILL purport that what she thought was not what I meant), and she cracked up, I took that as the biggest victory of the day.  I'd rather think about that smile than about selling the car, fixing things, or getting the media player at home fixed.  I didn't care about the ongoing issues between neighbors, nor the guy I saw walking out of Home Depot carrying a handgun on his belt.  I didn't care about running to grab door latch hardware, or getting things organized.

I had a smile... from HER.  The BEST thing to happen all weekend.  It was sorely needed - and we both knew it.

It's been said that infertility is like a death in the family.  That is true.  The problem is that this "death in the family" doesn't end because the pain never subsides.  A friend becoming pregnant can cause the death to happen again.  Not being selected with a possible adoption can cause it to happen again.  Being around people that aren't aware (they may be sensitive enough, but just have no idea to even think about infertility - an out-of-sight-out-of-mind thing) can cause the pain.  Even thinking about the future can cause that hopeless loss we deal with day in and day out.  We live in a culture where babies are expected - and that dynamic is also something that causes the pain again, and again, and again.

None of this was caused by that this weekend.  It just happened.  And it keeps on happening.  Strong is the woman that stands tall.  Powerful is the wife that, when she has nothing else to give, gives just a little bit more.  Amazing is the girl that dons a happy face while trying to visit the sick, worry about the widows, and care for the needy.  Incredible is the lady that pushes forward, even when all seems lost.

She essentially laughs in the face of infertility, but she does it with tears.  Oh, how my heart aches for that fine woman!

Edelweiss

The sweetest, cutest thing on this planet convinced me to take an "extended education" course with her.... ballroom dance.  I must say, I've danced the waltz before, and a little swing dance, but never a real course for it, and never with the love of my life.  Tuesday was the first class, and we covered the waltz.

Turns out, I can cut a rug (without scissors, even)!  It was fun to think that I was going to make a fool of myself, only to have her standing next to me, giggling with every step we took.  Those giggles reminded me of times before this adoption thing, and when she giggles, no one can hold back a smile or chuckle of their own.  We learned the waltz to "Edelweiss", and that particular version had a really sappy, perfect phrase done by a solo trumpet.

So, we took the time to practice yesterday, and when we started to dance around the living room (trying not to knock over the book table or trip over the fireplace hearth), naturally I started singing.  And then I kicked into a mock trumpet.... and she giggled again!  It made this week absolutely AWESOME!  (You rock, Woman!)

Law of Compensation

Compensation:  com •pen •sa •tion  noun  \käm-pən-ˈsā-shən, -ˌpen-\

: something that is done or given to make up for damage, trouble, etc.
: something good that acts as a balance against something bad or undesirable

(http://www.merriam-webster.com)

Unfortunately, I have not been able to "rise above" as much as I hope I could!  Some days are better than others, but the infertility issue, adoption paperwork, holidays, unfulfilled expectations (mine, of course!), feeling like I need to explain everything to everyone when they ask how things are...is overly tiresome!!!  And yet, as I look at those "things"/tender mercies/blessings...etc I am "balanced" and filled!  I believe in the Law of Compensation!

Here are just a few of my 2013 "compensations":

A Jazz game with Mr. AMAZING!!!  Isn't he handsome?!?!  He is a gentle, loving, caring, compassionate man!  I am blessed to be loved by him!

The chance to spend some time with ADORABLE nieces and nephews!  I am blessed!

Being silly with my "bestest bud Is"! I THOROUGHLY enjoy our time together!

M.K...what a fabulous friend!  We have helped each other through some difficult times since our friendship began in 1994!  I miss hearing her laugh everyday!!!  


My life is GOOD!  I am compensated abundantly!  

Things Mr. Fix-It Can't Fix

I have two hands (a left and a right, duh - only my feet are two lefties).  On one hand, I have this relentless desire to fix problems.  On the other hand are problems.  Sometimes.... just sometimes.... the two don't work together very well.  There are problems that Mr. Fix-It cannot fix.

Take for instance our trial - no children.  It's a problem that I'd love to fix.  It would take a miracle to fix it, one that would either be an almost-but-not-impossible miracle of conception, or the miracle of adoption.  However, it hasn't happened.  Sometimes.... it feels like we are simply empty fuel tanks, with nothing else to give.  We are broken, crushed, and devastated (and have been for years).

Tonight, I find myself sitting on the edge of the couch, worried about my sweet wife.  As tears of heart-hurt roll down her cheek, catching the dim light of an evening floodlight, I sit longingly, unable to do anything.  I make attempts at distracting her from her thoughts, but to no avail.  I attempt to bring some humor into the situation, but it doesn't help.  I tell her I love her, but it doesn't make the pain go away.  I have a problem that cannot be repaired.  I watch her fight her way through experiences of having friends have happy pregnancies with a feigned smile, only to come home at night and cry.  I watch her hide her emotions from even me, and panic that I might lose this spectacular woman.  In this, the whisperings of God are drowned in the loud, screaming pain.  I can't fix the hurt she experiences - there is no solution that I can facilitate.

I am helpless.  It is the worst experience I've ever felt.  (Just to keep things in perspective, this experience also happens the very night I drop a wrench while under the car and bloody up the bridge of my nose between the eyes - not even that ache comes close to watching someone you love experience pain that you can do nothing about.)  This is an awful hell, and I cannot get her out of it.  I wouldn't wish this one on my worst enemy, and sometimes, not even my closest friends can help.  We are alone, even when we are not.  Is this really worth the fight?

It's Christmas Time!

This is one of my favorite seasons! (There are four of them, if you don't know that.) There are a number of things I love about this season :

• Gray skies remind me of serving the people of Canada, as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints - when we had a part of a day for preparation, missionaries sometimes found themselves playing field hockey to help bring people together - and Canadian parks always seemed to have an ice rink due to neighbors, sandbags, and garden hoses
• Sometimes a good snow fall can help clear the air out, so the world is crisp and clean - twinkling stars on a cold, crisp, clear night will always remind me of the twinkly in my loves' eyes
• Christmas lights make me smile due to fond memories growing up where my father placed the lights out and checked each individual bulb - all without cursing or showing frustration
• Snow on the ground muffles the loud noises of living in the city, and that helps to bring a feeling of peace
• Nativities start to come out, and people are suddenly willing to wear their religion publicly - it seems like the entire nation is suddenly acceptable toward Christianity again
• Children start to smile, just thinking about Christmas day

Don't get me wrong, the season isn't perfect.  For example, the hustle-and-bustle of a "shopping season" can get pretty weary - the thought of trying to find the perfect gift for the ones you love can motivate many people to get out and "deal with it".  But each downside also has an upswing - the hustle-and-bustle results in sitting across from someone as they open a package that you know what you sacrificed for.  The cold air has beautiful skies (sometimes).  The neighbors can get together to celebrate the season.

This is one of my favorite seasons!

I LOVE the month of November!

I love the month of November for so many reasons.  I love Thanksgiving, gathering together with family and friends and spending time playing games, talking and just being!  I love the changing of the seasons.  Growing up, my mom would say that the mountains looked like a "bowl full of Trix cereal" because of the changing leaves.   Although I HATE being cold, I love wondering if I will wake up to snow, and hoping for a chance to wear my cozy, fluffy sweaters!  I love the taste warm apple cider and herbal tea on those crisp cold mornings.  Most of all, I LOVE, LOVE,  LOVE counting my blessings daily.

"A grateful heart will give you a touch of refinement that 

can come in no other way."  

Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I try to be grateful everyday during the year, but Joe and I have a tradition specific to November.  I tape up a "cutsy-pootsy" paper on our door and we list our blessings each day.  If anyone comes, to visit, they are invited to add to our list.

So for this post, I thought I'd post what we are grateful for!

November 1:  
Joe: "The sweetest, awesomest wife EVER!"
Shan:  A day off of work

November 2:
Joe:  Temple covenants
Shan:  Home!  K. & E. 's backflips, M.'s "Aunt Shannie!", and the twins' cuddles

November 3:
Joe:  I don't have to push handcarts with little-to-no food in the snow
Shan:  The chance to fast and commune with Heavenly Father

November 4:
Joe:  To be sustained by the Spirit when absolutely needed
Shan:  Bestest bud, Issy

November 5:  
Joe: Time to work on a car
Shan:  Warm, cozy, comfy bed

November 6:  
Joe: Great colleagues
Shan:  AMAZING Young Women

November 7:  
Joe: Inspiration from the Spirit of God
Shan:  Supportive, gentle, loving, patient "Mr. Amazing"

November 8:  
Joe: Good friends
Shan:  Good friends--Old and New

November 9:  
Joe: Service
Shan:  Living so close to so many temples and the chance to attend

November 10:  
Joe: Peace & Home Teachers
Shan:  The Spirit of God

November 11:  
Joe: A day off
Shan:  Veterans--I am grateful for those who have sacrificed and given so much for me to be free!  Thanks Mike!

November 12:  
Joe: Coolest, bestest wife ever!
Shan:  Salvation and Exaltation that comes because of Christ's birth

November 13:  
Joe: To witness testimonies
Shan:  Creativity and talents of others--especially the Young Women Board

November 14:  
Joe: Leaves are raked!
Shan:  Miracles

November 15:  
Joe: Good friends
Shan:  Technology

November 16:  

Joe: Warmth

Shan:  Joe's willingness to help me correct papers!!!

November 17:  

Joe: Sleep?

Shan:  Hugs and kisses from niece & nephew 

November 18:  

Joe:  Not being on call

Shan:  Grades are DONE!!! 

November 19:  

Joe:  To be able to turn off my mind

Shan:  Tender mercies

November 20:  
Joe: Grateful that stress of Shan's activities--finished
Shan:  Memories of love, happiness, and contentment

November 21:  

Joe: One more day of being on-call!  

Shan:  Fun day with students

November 22:  

Joe: Sleep

Shan:  Able to serve others 

November 23:  

Joe:  Able to go to the temple

Shan:  Temple covenants and peace 

November 24:  

Joe:  A low-key day

Shan:  Kind words and actions of others

November 25:  

Joe:  Getting things done

Shan:  Joe's service to me--He cleaned the house on his day off!  WOW!!!  I LOVE Mr. AmAzInG!!

November 26:  

Joe:  Clean home

Shan:  Able to serve others 

November 27:  

Joe:  Friends

Shan:  A home where others feel comfortable to visit and play 

November 28:  

Joe:  Family

Shan:  Tender moments with T cuddling and hearing her "adventures"--I love being an aunt!

November 29:  

Joe:  Only two more work days and then the most critical time of the year is done...at least for another 365 days.

Shan:  New opportunities and a chance to reflect on blessings

November 30:  

Joe:  Time

Shan:  Beautiful mornings

WE ARE BLESSED!!!!

Canadian Geese

This morning I awoke to the sound of honking...not from a car, but from a flock of Canadian Geese.  The sound brought a smile to my face because I was reminded of their beauty and symbolism in my life.  Several years ago, my dear friend, Monica, shared with me an interesting concept about the Canadian Geese's flight.

Canadian Geese support one another as they fly in a V-formation.  At the front of the V, a goose will fight the wind and basically carry the burden of the flock.  The other geese fly at the precise angle, rather than directly behind each other, allowing the birds to easily fly in the draft.  The honking is their encouragement to the front goose.  The geese continue this pattern of flight until they reach their destination and land gracefully.  Another interesting fact is, if one of the birds become injured, two other birds will stay with the injured bird until it is ready to fly again. 

I am SO blessed to have family, friends, young women from my church, and loved ones who have helped me "fly through the winds" of this most recent heart-hurt--infertility.  Many have stayed by my side and provided a shoulder to cry on, a kind word, and numerous prayers on our behalf.  Through their acts of service, I have also recognized God's tender mercies and love for me.  Their acts of love have provided strength and encouragement to weather the dark storms of anger and the "unknown".  

President Spencer W. Kimball, the 12th prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said, "God does notice us, and he watches over us.  But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."  

I am grateful for the reminder that God is there when we are in the midst of trials and difficult times.  THANK YOU!!!  

My hope is that we can all reach out beyond our personal heart-hurt and lift one another.  I know I'm going to try a little harder.  Life is made beautiful as we support, lift, and strengthen one another just like the graceful Canadian Geese!

Love of my Life

I typically wait for a while before acting, and the same holds true here.  I waited quite a bit before writing a post.

Allow me to add a disclaimer - I am not writing this post to drum up any sympathy or feelings from people about feeling sorry for us.  Though what I am writing might trigger people to think about our situation, I'd rather we all use it as a motivation to examine our own situations - to look at what is, rather than what could be.  I am a firm believer in attitude being based on what you are looking at, and our situation is no different.

Let me describe the situation my sweetest love and I find ourselves in, but I'll do it through our story.

We were married almost a half of a decade ago, and a few years into the marriage, we knew something wasn't happening in the way the rest of the world happened - we were seeing no children.  After visiting with specialists, sitting across from a doctor and hearing "there is nothing I can really do for you", trust me, your heart shatters.  It's not a break, it's a shatter.

But, while sitting and hearing those words, and feeling the spirit of God whisper (from Psalms 46:10), "Be still, and know that I am God", one can't help but realize that we truly are in His hands.  That doesn't make it any easier.  It actually makes it a little harder if you like to have things in your own control.  We were suddenly unable to be the one behind the eight ball - and there was nothing we could do about it.  We tried another doctor a year later, but the same result came with a resounding and emphatic "no!"

We fought with the thoughts of thinking we had done wrong, had made a mistake, or caused some grievance that would forever mar our lives.  We were (and still are) plagued with finding out a friend or colleague is pregnant (that's good news, and we still need to hear about it), or read news stories of parents who try to sell a child for drug money, or see bad situations that some are in..... and having those wounds re-opened.  There will likely not be an end to this.  Granted, time wounds all heels (or is that heals all wounds), but this wound may never heal.

So, here we are, having been dragged through the brutal reality of it all, knowing that we can't have children of our own.  Our only recourse (and the only thing that might possibly help heal the wounds) is adoption.   We'd love some children, and if we can't have our own, perhaps we can find another one that will fit in, and make this a complete family.  Perhaps we can find that one lad or lass who will perfectly compliment our family.  Keep your eyes and ears open, and if you run across a situation that could benefit everyone involved, let us know.  We have profile links to the top-right (along with e-mail links, too!) so you can contact us, or visit :

https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/28499924/ourMessage.jsf