Biblical Infertility

We HAVE to post an experience that made us laugh…not just snicker, but a BELLY LAUGH!!!

Our neighbors pulled Sugarmuffin and I aside (at two different times) to tell us something that happened in their home last week.  They have a young daughter who is very curious about life and its going ons.  Our friends are smart enough to realize that they should be having the "birds-and-the-bees" talk with their kids before school, friends or the Internet has that talk for them, potentially ruining a sacred thing.  She has asked some uncomfortable but sincere questions, and gladly ALL have survived! :)

Well...After their "talk" with their curious daughter and a few days later, she was reading her children's version of the scriptures about Hannah and her husband Elkanah (a priest).  Hannah could not bear children and was often found in the temple pouring out her heart to God, praying for a child.  Eli, the High Priest, saw her in great distress and thought she was drunk.  Hannah told him of her worries and heart hurt; Eli provides Hannah with comfort and stated, "Go in peace:  and the God of Israel grant they thy petition that thou hast asked of him."   1 Samuel 1:17.   Eventually Hannah did conceive and bore her son, Samuel, who is then placed in Eli's care and becomes the great prophet.

This lovely young lady proceeded to tell her parents that in the olden days, babies were made by prayers.  Our friends had to then discuss the fact that not all prayers are answered the way that the pray-ers would like them answered and how sometimes those prayers had to be used because not all people can "multiply" so easily.  The parents then tried to gently explain infertility and used us as an example.

The young lady's reply, "Well, have they tried 'The Sex'?"

HA!!!  HA!!!  Seriously, how does one respond to THAT?

Can Tears be Converted to Tears of Joy?

Yesterday, as I held my greatest treasure in my arms while tears flowed freely, feeling the gasping convulsions associated with the sobbing of a broken heart, and listening to the quiet whisperings of a woman so torn that life had reached a breaking point, I quietly wondered if those tears could be converted into tears of joy.

I didn't do so well at it.

The only thing that seemed to break into the thoughts were "when life is in the toilet, it just really seems crappy," which actually resulted in quite a few potty puns (and not just from me, though I may have been a purveyor of most) and one slight smile that cracked through.

When I stopped doing one task and said "there's just one more thing I need to do real quick" (I STILL purport that what she thought was not what I meant), and she cracked up, I took that as the biggest victory of the day.  I'd rather think about that smile than about selling the car, fixing things, or getting the media player at home fixed.  I didn't care about the ongoing issues between neighbors, nor the guy I saw walking out of Home Depot carrying a handgun on his belt.  I didn't care about running to grab door latch hardware, or getting things organized.

I had a smile... from HER.  The BEST thing to happen all weekend.  It was sorely needed - and we both knew it.

It's been said that infertility is like a death in the family.  That is true.  The problem is that this "death in the family" doesn't end because the pain never subsides.  A friend becoming pregnant can cause the death to happen again.  Not being selected with a possible adoption can cause it to happen again.  Being around people that aren't aware (they may be sensitive enough, but just have no idea to even think about infertility - an out-of-sight-out-of-mind thing) can cause the pain.  Even thinking about the future can cause that hopeless loss we deal with day in and day out.  We live in a culture where babies are expected - and that dynamic is also something that causes the pain again, and again, and again.

None of this was caused by that this weekend.  It just happened.  And it keeps on happening.  Strong is the woman that stands tall.  Powerful is the wife that, when she has nothing else to give, gives just a little bit more.  Amazing is the girl that dons a happy face while trying to visit the sick, worry about the widows, and care for the needy.  Incredible is the lady that pushes forward, even when all seems lost.

She essentially laughs in the face of infertility, but she does it with tears.  Oh, how my heart aches for that fine woman!

Canadian Geese

This morning I awoke to the sound of honking...not from a car, but from a flock of Canadian Geese.  The sound brought a smile to my face because I was reminded of their beauty and symbolism in my life.  Several years ago, my dear friend, Monica, shared with me an interesting concept about the Canadian Geese's flight.

Canadian Geese support one another as they fly in a V-formation.  At the front of the V, a goose will fight the wind and basically carry the burden of the flock.  The other geese fly at the precise angle, rather than directly behind each other, allowing the birds to easily fly in the draft.  The honking is their encouragement to the front goose.  The geese continue this pattern of flight until they reach their destination and land gracefully.  Another interesting fact is, if one of the birds become injured, two other birds will stay with the injured bird until it is ready to fly again. 

I am SO blessed to have family, friends, young women from my church, and loved ones who have helped me "fly through the winds" of this most recent heart-hurt--infertility.  Many have stayed by my side and provided a shoulder to cry on, a kind word, and numerous prayers on our behalf.  Through their acts of service, I have also recognized God's tender mercies and love for me.  Their acts of love have provided strength and encouragement to weather the dark storms of anger and the "unknown".  

President Spencer W. Kimball, the 12th prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said, "God does notice us, and he watches over us.  But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."  

I am grateful for the reminder that God is there when we are in the midst of trials and difficult times.  THANK YOU!!!  

My hope is that we can all reach out beyond our personal heart-hurt and lift one another.  I know I'm going to try a little harder.  Life is made beautiful as we support, lift, and strengthen one another just like the graceful Canadian Geese!

Love of my Life

I typically wait for a while before acting, and the same holds true here.  I waited quite a bit before writing a post.

Allow me to add a disclaimer - I am not writing this post to drum up any sympathy or feelings from people about feeling sorry for us.  Though what I am writing might trigger people to think about our situation, I'd rather we all use it as a motivation to examine our own situations - to look at what is, rather than what could be.  I am a firm believer in attitude being based on what you are looking at, and our situation is no different.

Let me describe the situation my sweetest love and I find ourselves in, but I'll do it through our story.

We were married almost a half of a decade ago, and a few years into the marriage, we knew something wasn't happening in the way the rest of the world happened - we were seeing no children.  After visiting with specialists, sitting across from a doctor and hearing "there is nothing I can really do for you", trust me, your heart shatters.  It's not a break, it's a shatter.

But, while sitting and hearing those words, and feeling the spirit of God whisper (from Psalms 46:10), "Be still, and know that I am God", one can't help but realize that we truly are in His hands.  That doesn't make it any easier.  It actually makes it a little harder if you like to have things in your own control.  We were suddenly unable to be the one behind the eight ball - and there was nothing we could do about it.  We tried another doctor a year later, but the same result came with a resounding and emphatic "no!"

We fought with the thoughts of thinking we had done wrong, had made a mistake, or caused some grievance that would forever mar our lives.  We were (and still are) plagued with finding out a friend or colleague is pregnant (that's good news, and we still need to hear about it), or read news stories of parents who try to sell a child for drug money, or see bad situations that some are in..... and having those wounds re-opened.  There will likely not be an end to this.  Granted, time wounds all heels (or is that heals all wounds), but this wound may never heal.

So, here we are, having been dragged through the brutal reality of it all, knowing that we can't have children of our own.  Our only recourse (and the only thing that might possibly help heal the wounds) is adoption.   We'd love some children, and if we can't have our own, perhaps we can find another one that will fit in, and make this a complete family.  Perhaps we can find that one lad or lass who will perfectly compliment our family.  Keep your eyes and ears open, and if you run across a situation that could benefit everyone involved, let us know.  We have profile links to the top-right (along with e-mail links, too!) so you can contact us, or visit :

https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/28499924/ourMessage.jsf