"Do You Know How Much I Love You?"

We spent yesterday trying to adapt our adoption profile.  We put in a lot of work.  We talked to birth mothers for their opinions on our "Dear Birth Mother" letter.  We took pictures.  We recorded videos. We did a lot of stuff yesterday about adoption.  It was a great day.

Then, today came.  Daylight savings (lost sleep), trying to explain the adoption process yet again, why we haven't been chosen, the "new things" being done for potential adoptive parents by the church, ad nauseam.  As the day progressed, the dear, sweet love of my life broke down.  It had become a day of "why should we keep going?", "is it worth it?", and "I can't keep doing this" statements, and then it was said.

"Why do we have to be the poster children of adoptive couples?"

I instantly asked, "wait, we're the poster children of adoptive couples?"  Tears began. The conversation continued (I won't quote from it here), and I knew the thoughts were going down the drain.  I couldn't let that happen.  I did the only thing I could think of.

I told a joke.

I told a story.

I have to amend that from a joke to a story because of the way things went down.  As I started, she immediately asked if I was trying to make her laugh, and then burst out laughing.  Yes, that WAS the intent, but she was supposed to wait for the punch line.  It took a while to get through the laughs to the punchline.  And when that punchline finally came.....

silence.

All she said to me was, "that was terrible."  I was in trouble.  So, I again went to my emergency back of things, and asked her :

"Do you know how much I love you?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"You tell me stupid stories."

I certainly hope the laughs at the start of the joke sufficed for the terribleness of what I said.  I certainly hope the laughs can carry her through a little bit more of the sad times of this journey.  I certainly hope she knows how much I truly love her.