So, as we've discussed a few things today, we've decided to start posting a few things that we have learned that parents learn too readily, even though we don't have children of our own. Here are some of our experiences.
- We had very dear friends begin dating each other (and eventually married). During that process, my sweet wife kept saying, "he's not good enough for her", and "she's not good enough for him" (think about that for a second - both are dear friends - we just loved them so stinkin' much that it was hard to let them go). During the process, I asked my sweetie if those were the feelings her mom had when her brothers were getting married. She flatly denied it - so I asked her mom, and that's when it dawned on Sweet Stuff about that - we'd married off our "children" (loved ones) with the feelings of placing them on pedestals, wanting the best for those we love.
- Working with the youth, I've found myself in odd situations. Having a neighbor ask me if I'd be willing to drive with her son to get him some driving experience (he was getting his license) was odd. But, I've also learned how to teach a young man to drive.
- In this adoption effort we've had, Sugarmuffin and I have realized that adoption is not our choice. Sure, we have chosen to try to adopt, but the reality is that the birth parents are the ones who ultimately make the decision on who to place their child(ren) with. As much as we try, we cannot make that decision for them. Whether we've had the spiritual confirmations to proceed doesn't matter. We cannot alter someone elses agency, we can only pray for the best and move on.
- We have also been involved with some of the youth in our church assignments. We've come to love these youth, and we have witnessed decisions that can be hurtful, yet we cannot make better decisions for them due to agency. As a result, we have also experienced the hurt encountered when bad decisions are made, and we cannot do anything about it except continue to pray and love.
- Without kids of our own, we have an open-house for our nieces and nephews. One evening, we had a niece and nephew over, and it was great.... until the wee hours of the morning. Sugarmuffin was awakened by (what I would call) howling from the nephew. She got up, helped him to the bathroom, and tried to help make him as comfortable as possible when he came back. A few minutes later, as they were snuggling, he puked. Yeah, we have dealt with kids throwing up all over themselves, the couch, carpet, and Sugarmuffin in the middle of the night.
- We have a neighbor who has had some financial troubles. We also don't have children. We found ourselves knowing about a situation where they needed a little help, and we could contribute anonymously by purchasing some school clothes. We managed to find someone who could get us a list of sizes, and headed out. It was a good experience to have, but probably not one of the greatest a parent has.
- Every year, we bring one of our nieces or nephews over to our house for a week of zoos, crafts, movies/plays, and games. This past summer, we brought in a niece (she's awesome, but we'll call her "Evelyn" to protect her identity). Prior to that, we went to a parade (Independence Day celebration), and Mr. Amazing kept asking her if she forgot her pants (trying to make sure she knew that shorts should be a little longer). When we had her over, she told Sugarmuffin that she wanted Mr. Amazing to know that she had packed her clothes for the week and they were modest. She was an angle to have with us!
That's a brief list as of now (yes, I've forgotten how many parent-like experiences we've had). We will always be learning more, but our pace will be a lot slower, since we are missing a key catalyst: a child. Hopefully, you parents out there can sit back for a bit and realize just how good you really have it. As is said in Psalms, "Children are an heritage of the Lord". It doesn't say that the children have to be yours.
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