Biblical Infertility

We HAVE to post an experience that made us laugh…not just snicker, but a BELLY LAUGH!!!

Our neighbors pulled Sugarmuffin and I aside (at two different times) to tell us something that happened in their home last week.  They have a young daughter who is very curious about life and its going ons.  Our friends are smart enough to realize that they should be having the "birds-and-the-bees" talk with their kids before school, friends or the Internet has that talk for them, potentially ruining a sacred thing.  She has asked some uncomfortable but sincere questions, and gladly ALL have survived! :)

Well...After their "talk" with their curious daughter and a few days later, she was reading her children's version of the scriptures about Hannah and her husband Elkanah (a priest).  Hannah could not bear children and was often found in the temple pouring out her heart to God, praying for a child.  Eli, the High Priest, saw her in great distress and thought she was drunk.  Hannah told him of her worries and heart hurt; Eli provides Hannah with comfort and stated, "Go in peace:  and the God of Israel grant they thy petition that thou hast asked of him."   1 Samuel 1:17.   Eventually Hannah did conceive and bore her son, Samuel, who is then placed in Eli's care and becomes the great prophet.

This lovely young lady proceeded to tell her parents that in the olden days, babies were made by prayers.  Our friends had to then discuss the fact that not all prayers are answered the way that the pray-ers would like them answered and how sometimes those prayers had to be used because not all people can "multiply" so easily.  The parents then tried to gently explain infertility and used us as an example.

The young lady's reply, "Well, have they tried 'The Sex'?"

HA!!!  HA!!!  Seriously, how does one respond to THAT?

Things We've Learned as Parents Without Children

We've learned a great deal about being parents.  A lot of people might assume that we don't know what we're really talking about, because we don't have kids.  The reality is that neither "side of the fence" truly knows - because each side hasn't been on the others' side.  It's tough to walk a mile in someone else's moccasins when your moccasins are permanently attached.

So, as we've discussed a few things today, we've decided to start posting a few things that we have learned that parents learn too readily, even though we don't have children of our own.  Here are some of our experiences.

• We had very dear friends begin dating each other (and eventually married).  During that process, my sweet wife kept saying, "he's not good enough for her", and "she's not good enough for him" (think about that for a second - both are dear friends - we just loved them so stinkin' much that it was hard to let them go).  During the process, I asked my sweetie if those were the feelings her mom had when her brothers were getting married.  She flatly denied it - so I asked her mom, and that's when it dawned on Sweet Stuff about that - we'd married off our "children" (loved ones) with the feelings of placing them on pedestals, wanting the best for those we love.
• Working with the youth, I've found myself in odd situations.  Having a neighbor ask me if I'd be willing to drive with her son to get him some driving experience (he was getting his license) was odd.  But, I've also learned how to teach a young man to drive.
• In this adoption effort we've had, Sugarmuffin and I have realized that adoption is not our choice.  Sure, we have chosen to try to adopt, but the reality is that the birth parents are the ones who ultimately make the decision on who to place their child(ren) with.  As much as we try, we cannot make that decision for them.  Whether we've had the spiritual confirmations to proceed doesn't matter.  We cannot alter someone elses agency, we can only pray for the best and move on.
• We have also been involved with some of the youth in our church assignments.  We've come to love these youth, and we have witnessed decisions that can be hurtful, yet we cannot make better decisions for them due to agency.  As a result, we have also experienced the hurt encountered when bad decisions are made, and we cannot do anything about it except continue to pray and love.
• Without kids of our own, we have an open-house for our nieces and nephews.  One evening, we had a niece and nephew over, and it was great.... until the wee hours of the morning.  Sugarmuffin was awakened by (what I would call) howling from the nephew.  She got up, helped him to the bathroom, and tried to help make him as comfortable as possible when he came back.  A few minutes later, as they were snuggling, he puked.  Yeah, we have dealt with kids throwing up all over themselves, the couch, carpet, and Sugarmuffin in the middle of the night.
• We have a neighbor who has had some financial troubles.  We also don't have children.  We found ourselves knowing about a situation where they needed a little help, and we could contribute anonymously by purchasing some school clothes.  We managed to find someone who could get us a list of sizes, and headed out.  It was a good experience to have, but probably not one of the greatest a parent has.
• Every year, we bring one of our nieces or nephews over to our house for a week of zoos, crafts, movies/plays, and games.  This past summer, we brought in a niece (she's awesome, but we'll call her "Evelyn" to protect her identity).  Prior to that, we went to a parade (Independence Day celebration), and Mr. Amazing kept asking her if she forgot her pants (trying to make sure she knew that shorts should be a little longer).  When we had her over, she told Sugarmuffin that she wanted Mr. Amazing to know that she had packed her clothes for the week and they were modest.  She was an angle to have with us!

That's a brief list as of now (yes, I've forgotten how many parent-like experiences we've had).  We will always be learning more, but our pace will be a lot slower, since we are missing a key catalyst: a child.  Hopefully, you parents out there can sit back for a bit and realize just how good you really have it.  As is said in Psalms, "Children are an heritage of the Lord".  It doesn't say that the children have to be yours.

Love my Geeky Woman!

Today, at dinner time, my wife and and I are discussing the days events.  She starts throwing around terms (in the proper context, mind you) like "BYOD", "guest wireless", "restricted", and "MAC address" in regard to teachers and iPads. My first question was.... where did that come from? It didn't come from me, because I don't recall ever going into a discussion about bringing your own device to work, and what wireless networks are allowed to connect to what services.

Love that geeky woman!

"Do You Know How Much I Love You?"

We spent yesterday trying to adapt our adoption profile.  We put in a lot of work.  We talked to birth mothers for their opinions on our "Dear Birth Mother" letter.  We took pictures.  We recorded videos. We did a lot of stuff yesterday about adoption.  It was a great day.

Then, today came.  Daylight savings (lost sleep), trying to explain the adoption process yet again, why we haven't been chosen, the "new things" being done for potential adoptive parents by the church, ad nauseam.  As the day progressed, the dear, sweet love of my life broke down.  It had become a day of "why should we keep going?", "is it worth it?", and "I can't keep doing this" statements, and then it was said.

"Why do we have to be the poster children of adoptive couples?"

I instantly asked, "wait, we're the poster children of adoptive couples?"  Tears began. The conversation continued (I won't quote from it here), and I knew the thoughts were going down the drain.  I couldn't let that happen.  I did the only thing I could think of.

I told a joke.

I told a story.

I have to amend that from a joke to a story because of the way things went down.  As I started, she immediately asked if I was trying to make her laugh, and then burst out laughing.  Yes, that WAS the intent, but she was supposed to wait for the punch line.  It took a while to get through the laughs to the punchline.  And when that punchline finally came.....

silence.

All she said to me was, "that was terrible."  I was in trouble.  So, I again went to my emergency back of things, and asked her :

"Do you know how much I love you?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"You tell me stupid stories."

I certainly hope the laughs at the start of the joke sufficed for the terribleness of what I said.  I certainly hope the laughs can carry her through a little bit more of the sad times of this journey.  I certainly hope she knows how much I truly love her.

The Roof WAS on Fire

Well, we replaced our roof.  Luckily, I changed jobs, and the vacation time I had accrued essentially covered the materials.  My family is awesome!  They came up (or down, depending on which family it was) to help out.  They did amazing work!  The old roof looked pretty old :

With all of that cracking, one would think it's really old.  Unfortunately, when we tore the shingles off, we found some surprising stuff :

Yes, underneath it, we found green tar paper nails, and ice and water shield!  That means the roof was less than 15 years old.  A single layer of shingles, 15 years old, curling like that... it means that there was too much heat in the attic.  We cut a few more holes for vents, removed the vent that was in place for the wood burning stove in the basement, and dropped some new OSB over the top.  Then we put a new roof on.  Hooray!

I'm a Lumberjack and That's Okay

Now you probably have the song stuck in your head.  That's okay, too.

As we've been rebuilding the fence in the back yard (we believe in a safe environment for children to play in, just in case potential birth parents happen onto this blog) after a windstorm laid it down, we've run into a few problems.  A big problem has been time.  We've had so many other projects going on that it has taken an awfully long time to get the fence rebuilt.  Let's add to that the old fence was falling over because four trees had grown up underneath it and pushed it over, and it's easy to see that things start to compound quickly.

Recently, I've been taking out the trees, trying to get a stabile foundation for the fence.  The previous fence was 4x4 posts just planted into the ground - no cement or other methods to anchor it.  They completely rotted out.  It's been a combination of using a small chain saw, and cutting ailanthus trees (trees of "paradise", or commonly called trees of Hell), and trying to ensure we don't get a bumper crop of trees.  While I was at it, we had a spruce that needed to vacate the premise, too.  Because of a set of power lines, I had to take that one in half (not as bad as the ailanthus tree) :

Let's add in that for these ailanthus trees, there are actually two sets of power lines run along the fence line, so taking the trees down has been more of a precision and surgical action.  It's been getting really old taking those things down... but the problem trees have finally, successfully been removed, and it's been an "on to the fence".

Finally, I got the posts in today... and the basic side boards to get things ready to be finished.  This is the part that goes quickly.  Wahoo!

Humbled By Humanity

I needed to post on this one, and I have before and during pictures for folks.  First, I was amazed when people came from everywhere with donations.  If you have ever seen the TV show "Hoarders", it felt like our house was the current location for the show...We barely had a path through the living room to the back patio.  We ate dinner downstairs for a week.  My sweetie had to park outside.  We had no back patio (couldn't find it under the donations).  I was absolutely floored with the generosity of family, friends, and even strangers.  Here are some photos of our "Hoarding" :

Our kitchen (or what we could still see)

The garage from the kitchen - or what we could see of it

Another view of the garage.  There's a car buried in there.

Looking into the living room

We had to work for this path to get it

Back patio (really?)

Clothing made it all the way out here

Another view of the living room

The few days before, we had some dear friends volunteer to sort things out, (some of the stuff just couldn't be put out there, such as used underwear, broken foo-foo thingies, and similar items).  Their help was invaluable, and once more triggered more humility in looking at people's willingness to do amazing things.  The day of, we were going at 5:30 setting up tables, moving stuff out, and trying to stay on top of things.  A great many people assisted throughout the day, from handling the bartering to organizing.

One yard of the "yard" sale

The other yard of the "yard" sale

almost done, still stuff to be sold

almost done, most furniture had been sold

Amazing results

amazed at how many VHS tapes sold

remaining toys and games went to a
local police/fire department to use
for children who needed them

remaining books went to good will

remaining clothing donated to the homeless shelter

finally, clean up in full gear

We had experiences where people would ask, "How much is that?", to which we would respond with "Just a dollar", and the sale happened with "Here's three."

We had people who pulled up in their SUV's, and said "My husband bought this camp hammock a few years ago, and used it once.  He's 73 years old.  We want you to have it."  Sure, I was floored by perfect strangers and their amazing acts of kindness!  But, to my utter surprise, having someone purchase that camping hammock moments later and walk away muttering under his breath, "I'm still not sure what this is," makes you take a long, hard look at how we perceive people.  Generosity, willingness to sacrifice, help out, and just be amazing is.... well.... amazing!

And, while we were in "full clean up" mode outside, a very dear friend claimed "allergies", and went inside.  We walked into the house to find cupboards and counters cleaned and wiped down, floors swept and vacuumed, and frankly, we had a house again.

To sum it all up, we were first humbled by the generosity of SO many people who donated.  Then, we were humbled by volunteers who helped to sort.  We were later humbled by people buying things they didn't need, didn't want, or didn't even know what those things were.  We were humbled by people walking up and handing checks to us.  Lastly, we were humbled by the long time people spent laboring all day, and then cleaning up.  My sweet wife and I were in tears (I pretend that we were simply exhausted [which we were] and that allergies were getting to me) for hours.  There is no denial that the Grace of God ran rampant in a little neighborhood this past weekend.

We are simply, and purely, humbled.  Thank you!